At least 27 percent of Americans are estranged from a member of their own family, and research suggests about 40 percent of Americans have experienced estrangement at some point. The most common form of estrangement is between adult children and one or both parents — a cut usually initiated by the child.
A study published in 2010 found that parents in the U.S. are about twice as likely to be in a contentious relationship with their adult children as parents in Israel, Germany, England and Spain.
Family is often regarded as the cornerstone of society, providing love, support, and a sense of belonging. Yet, over time, societal shifts, evolving definitions of ‘family,’ and personal conflicts have significantly impacted family structures.
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In this article, we dive into the reasons causing families to break apart, the changing dynamics of the stereotypical American family, and more.
What’s Ripping American Families Apart?
The Cornell sociologist Karl Pillemer, author of “Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them,” writes that the children in these cases often cite harsh parenting, parental favouritism, divorce and poor and increasingly hostile communication often culminating in a volcanic event.
As one woman told Salon : “I have someone out to get me, and it’s my mother. My part of being a good mom has been getting my son away from mine.” The parents in these cases are often completely bewildered by the accusations.
They often remember a totally different childhood home and accuse their children of rewriting what happened. As one cutoff couple told the psychologist Joshua Coleman: “Emotional abuse? We gave our child everything.
We read every parenting book under the sun, took her on wonderful vacations, went to all of her sporting events.” Part of the misunderstanding derives from the truth that we all construct our own realities, but part of the problem, as Nick Haslam of the University of Melbourne has suggested, is there seems to be a generational shift in what constitutes abuse.
Practices that seemed like normal parenting to one generation are conceptualised as abusive, overbearing and traumatising to another.
Causes for Families Breaking Apart:
- Communication Barriers: A lack of open communication can lead to misunderstandings, fostering feelings of resentment or neglect.
- Financial Strain: Economic difficulties or disparities can create tension and rifts within families.
- Infidelity: Breach of trust, particularly through infidelity, often leads to family breakdowns.
- Differing Values: Clashes over cultural, religious, or personal values can create lasting divides.
The Stereotypical American Family:
Traditionally, the American family was envisioned as a nuclear unit with two parents and their children. However, diverse family structures, including single-parent households, extended families, and same-sex couples with children, have challenged this stereotype.
The Rise in Estranged Families:
Factors like individualism, urbanization, and technological advancements have contributed to reduced face-to-face interactions, causing emotional distances. Moreover, societal acceptance of individual choices means fewer societal pressures to remain close-knit.
Broken Families: A Glimpse into the Stats:
It’s estimated that around 40-50% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce, leading to numerous families experiencing separations.
Coping with Family Estrangement:
For those disowned or estranged from their families:
- Seek therapy or counseling for emotional support.
- Build your chosen family—close-knit circles of friends or supportive communities.
- Set boundaries if reconnection attempts are made.
America’s Best-Known Family:
The Kennedy family is often considered one of the most recognized families in America due to their political legacy and public profiles.
The Popular Family Structure in America:
The concept of a “popular” family structure has evolved. Today, diverse structures—from nuclear families to single-parent homes and cohabitating couples—are prevalent and accepted.
The Decreasing Size of American Families:
Factors like economic constraints, career aspirations, and personal choices have contributed to smaller family sizes in recent decades.
Divorce Trends in American Families:
While divorce is certainly not rare, with the U.S. having one of the highest divorce rates globally, recent trends show a decline in divorce rates, primarily among younger generations.
Global Divorce Statistics:
Belgium, followed by Russia and Latvia, reportedly has some of the highest divorce rates globally. It’s essential to note that cultural, societal, and legal factors play a significant role in these statistics.
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Either way, there’s a lot of agony for all concerned. The children feel they have to live with the legacy of an abusive childhood. The parents feel rejected by the person they love most in the world, their own child, and they are powerless to do anything about it.
There’s anger, grief and depression on all sides — painful holidays and birthdays — plus, the next generation often grows up without knowing their grandparents.